i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
