PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
