theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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