I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Girls should come with a carfax report
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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