Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
