SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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