pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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