So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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