its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
