I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
