I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm at about main and main street
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
