We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My bed smells like the plague
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