the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
