Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
