I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
