Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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