Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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