I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize