Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize