I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
