Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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