I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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