you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
