i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
