It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
