well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
