What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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