put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
