Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
