Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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