bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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