Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
