Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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