she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
