I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
