I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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