what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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