yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
