I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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