You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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