You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
