not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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