I think i sorta joined a cult last night
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
