the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
