Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
