why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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