Did you just see the Batmobile???
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize