Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
