you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
