I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
