Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
