respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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