All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
