After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
