um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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