his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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