just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
