the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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