You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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