Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
so much tequila, so little girl.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
