my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
