How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
