happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
