Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
