I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
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I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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