did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize