I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
