saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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