I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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