We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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