my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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