i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The beer is more important than you right now.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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